This begins a dialog of discussion on family conflicts, and how mediation can be used to resolve the conflicts, or at least mitigate the tone and intensity between the people who are in conflict. It is directed toward Colorado residents, or at least one person who has lived in Colorado for the most recent six months.
There are no conflicts that are more emotionally upsetting than those between family members, or those who used to share the same family. Whether it is a married couple, divorced parents, or an unmarried couple splitting up, the emotions run as fast and furiously as a mountain river loaded with snow melt.
As with almost every conflict, it begins with a loss of trust by one or both persons in the relationship. Sometimes, this loss of trust evolves over an extended period of time. Other times, a single event, say an infidelity, breaks the trust the instant the event is discovered. Once lost, the possibility of restoring that trust is somewhere between very difficult, to next to impossible to imagine.
Mediation does not seek to repair the relationship: that is what therapy is suited to accomplish. Mediation seeks to resolve the specific conflict that results from the loss of trust. More specifically, one or multiple events occur in a relationship that cause one person to conclude the relationship cannot continue: it is over. The resulting conflicts that can occur is that the couple need to split up their possessions and money, figure out how and when they will fulfill their parenting responsibilities and how much child support they each should pay (if they have children together), or to figure out how either one of them will be supported for a period of time to let them land on their feet. Mediation seeks to have a specific, clear, written agreement on any or all of these issues. Mediation places an impartial, trained third person between these conflicted persons to help them each negotiate a resolution to these or other specific issues. The mediator is not judging who is right and who is wrong. The parties keep control over their own decision-making in mediation: the mediator has no decision-making in an outcome.
Severe anger is inherent in conflicts between people who have been intimate. Mediators are trained to deal with such anger, and help the parties focus on the issues rather than the anger. Most often, each party needs to grieve the loss of the relationship, not necessarily the loss of the other person. Mediation often occurs as the grieving process is occurring. Sometimes, because of anger, one person wants to take the other person to "the cleaner," or initiate World War III. This strategy often results in the judge having control over the outcome, sometime to everyone's displeasure. When people negotiate with each other and reach an agreement, most commonly, the judge will go along with what the parties have agreed upon. This keeps the parties in control, and not the judge.
For more information and contact information, go to http://www.confidentialmediation.net
